Grow and Change

The other day a friend of mine shared a personality test on facebook. Called the Myers-Briggs personality test, by far it has been the most reliable and trustworthy test, where most employers and organisations use it as a tool to get to know their employees/workers better. I've done this test multiple times (I would say it's pretty much accurate) but since this link has a better visualisation, I thought of sharing it here.

I first did this test when I was applying for a scholarship after SPM - when I was 18. I had a different personality back then. But I never thought it would be that different until I found out my result for the same test when I was 20.

So this test breaks down into 4 main categories.

1. Either you're an Extrovert (E) or Introvert (I)
2. Sensing (S) or Intuitive (N)
3. Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)
4. and Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)

They each have their own weightage and percentage for each category. I'm not here to tell what the test is about and what those letters represent - you can try the test or google it if you want. Basically these 4 categories make up the personality that you are. Some might be a bit skeptical about it but as far as I know, all this while, it has been reflecting my personality perfectly.

So here is the comparison between the 18 year-old me and the 20 year-old me (until now).

This was me when I was 18 (and basically anytime before that).
Thorough description here.

And this is me from when I was 20 until present. Read more here.

By the look of these two results, I can confidently say that I changed 180 degrees! Minus the perceiving (P) instead of judging (J) bit of course. But I'm glad that didn't actually change because I've always considered myself being a very non-judgemental person.

What made me change, you ask? Who was I back then? Was it really different from the Sofina today? hehe

I was indeed a debater. At school, I took pride of it, especially on being extroverted. Because when you get all the opportunities and attention, who doesn't? But then the environment changed. Throughout the two years (and a bit) between the two tests I took, I went to a pre-university college that was harsh to my emotional and mental state, I went through several breakdowns, and I looked for God (not that I didn't believe in God before, but I didn't take religion that seriously, despite being in an islamic stream). I could feel the transition, really. 

Example 1

It was my first year in A-level. Since my college is basically a school with the A-level students being the sixth formers, there was this one time when the secondary school kids organised an interhouse debate and my house was lacking one debater. Since I have a background of being a debater, they signed me in. Simply said, I won, unanimously. Then I got into my second year. They were aiming for me this time round because of the glorious victory I had last year. Having gone through what I had gone through, what with our IELTS classes require us to provide unbiased arguments (stating both the pros and cons) for all of our essays, I wasn't able to be firm on my stand for that debate - hence lost. You might say that I was on the wrong side of the fence for this particular topic but...... yeah we might have had stronger arguments if we're on the other side but, no, really, I saw both the pros and cons of both sides. In the middle of the debate, I was actually agreeing to what the opponents said.lol. Enough said, that was the time when I was really sure that I have lost that debater side of me. 

Example 2

My parents had always advised me to listen more and tone down my harshness, especially in speech. I might have took heed a bit of the latter but it was slow and difficult as most of my friends were guys and you can't be friends with guys if you're soft and gentle - you'll be a girlfriend then.lol. The former, I never understood why my parents tirelessly said that to me. I believed that I do listen, but I also have a point to make. This is exactly an attribute of the debater personality - they do listen to people's points, but they have their own that they demand to be heard as well. Then my number of male friends shrunk and I developed to suit more in the feminine environment. The last close male friend I had, when I asked him if there's anything I should improve, he said nothing except "do you think you ever back down whenever we argue or have different opinions?" and he had me at that. I'm pretty sure he did most (if not all) of the giving in throughout our friendship. Yeah, I was that kind of friend ._. So I grew on, swallowing my egomaniac behaviour bit by bit until I happily listen and take in people's opinion before I develop my own.

The old me was hard, emotionless, and fierce, but I wouldn't say it was entirely bad. It was necessary for me to be so at that time. And even understandable too. Otherwise, I might have not survived my teenage years to come out as successful as I had been - big lol to the glory days. The new me is softer, full of empathy, and perhaps more open to things. It is understandable considering all that I went through and indeed, the behaviour is necessary for the conditions that I'm in.

People change. In fact, change is the only thing that we do. 

It's just that, it is upon ourselves whether to improve for better or for worse.

I've changed. In fact, I change every day - and I'm fully aware of it.

I just hope I constantly change for the better and not for worse.

Allah won't change a nation unless they themselves make that change. Right?